A typical level in Portal

The PC game “Portal”, developed by Valve software in 2007, is in my humble opinion one of the most ingenious game ever created. The concept is simple, but a bit hard to wrap your head around. You have device that can shoot (over distance) a portal entrance and a portal exit, but only on certain surfaces, be it walls, roof or floors. Once both portals have been placed you can walk through the portals either way, and physics count (e.g. “speedy thing goes in, speedy thing goes out”). You can only create two portal openings, and as you progress in the levels you need to figure out exactly how, where and when to place the portals in order to cross chasms, up or over obstacles, around automated turrets that fires at you, transport energy balls into their receivers and open doors by using certain cubes you can pick up in the game. It’s a game that requires thinking, and often challenges you to think completely outside the box.

Scribblings from previous test subjects: The cake is a lie

The gameplay itself makes a great game, even though the game is a bit short. But there’s more. Throughout the game you are accompanied by a computerized voice which speak to you (and watch you) as a “Aperture Science” test subject in “The Enrichment Center”. The voice comes with witty comments and statements which really gives the game personality.

Weighted Companion Cube

Throughout the levels you also encounter the “Weighted Companion Cube”, a cube with a heart, another bonus which adds to the game’s genius. You carry and use the cube while the computerized voice reminds you that it will never threaten to stab you, it cannot speak and in the event that it does speak, disregard its advice. In the end you are told that your beloved cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the tests and if it could speak it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.

You are constantly being promised cake when you have completed all of the 19 levels. But once you reach there you are, apparently as every other test subjects, being terminated by transporting you into a pit of flames. But the game doesn’t end there. As you cleverly escape using portals, you navigate through the building to find the source: the computer that have been talking all along. While you find your way towards the computer voice, it inquires you to give up, come back for your cake, jokingly excuses for trying to kill you or lie to you and threatens to start cutting and eating the cake without you.

The computer (voice) behind it all

When you have reached the computer brain behind it all, you are engaged in an end boss fight while the voice constantly tries to discourage you with hilarious statements. Among others how unlikeable you are and that nobody would come to your party, or imitate how stupid you sound. I won’t reveal how the game ends, but after it’s finished you are played the infamous and witty song “I’m Alive”. You are also given the option of replaying some of the levels in advanced mode.

I recommend getting the game, it is included in Valve’s Orange box or can be bought singly through Steam. But if you are convinced it’s not worth buying, (you are totally missing out, fool!) there is a free online Flash-version of Portal. It contains no less than 40 challenging which features almost every feature the real game does. Personally I prefer the real thing. “Portal” and its “Weighted Companion Cube” will always have a special space in my heart.

“Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn’t home since I couldn’t bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML”

“Today, I looked down to see a tiny spider crawling on the inside of my leg, very close to my crotch. When I tried to brush it off, it only flew a couple inches because it was making a web between my legs. Even a spider knew that it’s been awhile. FML”

“Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn’t want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML”

“Today, my girlfriend of 8 years attempted to explain to me how the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a BS in Biology and a MS in Anthropology and I am working on my Phd and she thinks I am being an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML”

“Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family’s funeral home business. FML”

Luckily fmylife has two sister pages, mylifeisaverage (MLIA in short) and mylifeisg (mylifeisgreat or MLIG in short). All three sites combined seems to cover the whole span of people’s opinion of their lives, written in a humorous way. Obviously MLIA is a site where people post comments on why their life is average, and MLIG somewhere people post their comments on why their life is great. MLIA leaves you much lighter at heart than FML and is in my opinion the site where you are left less “messed up” compared to FML and MLIG. Below are some MLIA comments.

“Today, I realized that since switching from an avid FML reader to an avid MLIA reader, my life has seemed a lot less terrible, and a lot more average. Needless to say, I’m pleased with the trade-off. MLIA.”

“Today, my friend asked why I was so slow in replying on msn. I told her I was doing homework at the same time, but actually it’s just really hard to type when you’ve taped your hands up like a dinosaur. MLIA”

“Today, I was in the mood to hear a certain song, and when I put my iPod on shuffle it went straight to it. I said, “Whoa, iPod! Can you read my mind or something?” The next song was called ‘I Can.’ I am genuinely terrified. MLIA.”

“Today, my girlfriend and I just finished moving into our big new house that my grandparents gave us.There was one room left that we couldn’t find a use for. We filled it with pillows and foam swords for forts. I’m going to get an engagement ring tomorrow. MLIA”

Still, through the years I’ve come across a few free online games I really think deserves credit. Some of the games contain great (though simple) graphics which is crucial for me to even enjoy looking at something more than five seconds. Other games are more clever and good at keeping the challenges.. well.. challenging and fun.

“Oil Panic” – move and react fast!

A typical level of Oil Panic

It’s rare that I enjoy an arcade game, where time matters. “Oil Panic” is one. It’s a very old game and I’m suprised that it’s still active. It’s in Norwegian, but you don’t need to know more than using the arrowkeys to move left, right and down and Space bar to retreat the oil drill. The goal is to gather all blue drops (presumably oil drops) in the level. The challenge lies in the enemies (in form of flames, red stars or other things) that suddenly appears at the border’s edge and move horizontally. The only way to kill them is by hitting them with the drill head – if they hit your extended pipe you die. That means that even though the drill head is picking up drops way at the bottom, if an enemy appears in the upper rows, you need to climb all the way back up before it hits your pipe and then climb back down again. Special walls and items appear in the later levels, as well as faster enemies and shorter time to react.

“Shift” – think in black and white

A Shift 1 level with a reference to Portal

There are now four “Shift”(s?), but i prefer the first two, “Shift 1” and “Shift 2“. These games don’t consist of many levels, but have a clever gimmick. The game is in black and white for a reason, because pressing Shift inverts the board. Otherwise it appears as a platform-game where you move and jump your way to the exit door. Reaching keys, switches and avoiding spikes have never been as challenging as in “Shift”. The games got humor too, including several obvious references to the great game Portal. I haven’t played “Shift 3” or “Shift 4” as much mostly because the last game runs on a timer.

“Fragger” – ninjahunting with grenades!

A typical Fragger level

I recently discovered “Fragger“, which is basically the traditional Tank Wars dressed up as throwing grenades killing ninjas in a more “urban” setting. You can set your angle and velocity using your mouse, and click to throw a grenade. You only have a limited amount of grenades, but unlimited retries at all levels. “Fragger” consist of 30 creative and challenging levels, where not only adjusting the angle and velocity is crucial for completion. When you have completed all 30 levels, you can play them again using a harder difficulty level.

“Orisinal” games – just cute

A selection of Orisinal games

Games created at “Orisinal” is not really games per se. They are more pleasurable for the eye than actually providing you challenges. The site provides no less than 60 individual games, all in the same style. Each game consists of really just one simple challenge, e.g. stack pigs in order to reach floating muffins high up in the air, or control a squirrel hunting for apples. What really attracts me is their beautiful appearance. My favourite games are the jumping rabbit in “Winterbells” and stacking pigs in “These Little Pigs“.

Screenshot from Winterbells

Go play Winterbells online.

Control a (cute) bunny and get as high as you can by jumping upwards on falling winter bells! Great time killer while winter approaches.